It can be really worrying when someone we care about is hurt or abused. Your help can make a big difference in her feeling supported.
Each situation can be different and there are things you can do to to help and to look after yourself. Within the information below is some advice that may not cover every situation but may be similar to your own.
If you think she is in immediate danger, then contact 999 and get help to her.
Listen to her, try to understand and take care not to blame her. Tell her that she is not alone and that there are many women like her in the same situation.
Acknowledge that it takes strength to trust someone enough to talk to them about experiencing abuse. Give her time to talk, but don’t push her to go into too much detail if she doesn’t want to.
Acknowledge that she is in a frightening and difficult situation.
Tell her that no one deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what her abuser has told her. Nothing she can do or say can justify the abuser’s behaviour.
Support her as a friend. Encourage her to express her feelings, whatever they are. Allow her to make her own decisions.
Don’t tell her to leave the relationship if she is not ready to do this. This is her decision.
Ask if she has suffered physical harm. If so, offer to go with her to a hospital or to see her GP.
Help her report the abuse if this is something she wants to do.
Be ready to provide information on organisations that offer help to abused women and their children. Explain she has options – there is support available.
If she has children and wants to see a solicitor then offer to go with her to visit a solicitor if she is ready to take this step.
Plan safe strategies for leaving an abusive relationship.
Let her create her own boundaries of what she thinks is safe and what is not safe; don’t urge her to follow any strategies that she expresses doubt about.
Offer your friend the use of your address and/or telephone number to leave information and messages and tell her you will look after an emergency bag for her, if she wants this.
Look after yourself while you are supporting someone through such a difficult and emotional time. Ensure that you do not put yourself into a dangerous situation; for example, do not offer to talk to the abuser about your friend or let yourself be seen by the abuser as a threat to their relationship.
There is no perfect approach when supporting someone who is being abused, but staying safe yourself is important. We hope that our advice helps you and gives you confidence in how you support your loved one.
Feel free to contact us for further information or complete a referral form if you feel someone needs support.
The approach to how we deliver our support is reviewed by survivors who tell us what works and what doesn’t. This ensures we deliver the best possible support to survivors in way that suits their needs.
Click on the links below for more information.
Your dedicated support worker will listen to you and help create a safety and support plan and provide external advocacy to get you to where to you need to be to live a life free from abuse.
Your counsellor will work with you on weekly or fortnightly basis (dependent on you needs) this is usually for an hour. They can help you recover from the trauma you have endured.
Our programmes provide a supportive environment which allow you to share and recover from your experiences whilst developing further understanding of your experiences.
Your dedicated Bridge Mentor will work with you at your pace. They are able support you to navigate what can often seem like complex systems to ensure you live in safe home and look forward to a happy future.