This is the most valuable tool we use to review what we do. Some tell us of the experience that led them to us and some tell us the experience they had with us that led them towards a life free form abuse.
Please click on the names below to read from our survivors. Some of their experiences may seem like your own. It is important to know you are not alone.
“When I contacted LDAS, I didn’t really understand what was happening in my life. At the time I was not in a place emotionally or financially where I wanted to leave. The information provided by LDAS helped save my life. I was able to act on what we discussed when we talked about keeping safe. I didn’t realise but a lot of it was automatic, I was doing it daily. It was when I reviewed what we discussed I realised this was not a way to live. It was going to end one way.”
“I left. I did it – I was so scared but so free. This wasn’t the first time but I knew it had to be the last.”
“I didn’t want to move. My support worker talked about Refuge but I knew I couldn’t, I didn’t want to. There was still a part of me left that knew if I moved from my family, my friends, I would feel more alone. I need my family, I need my friends, they live right by me. I received support which helped me live my choice, I felt in control. I always knew the option was there to move somewhere else.”
“People in work knew something was wrong but I was so ashamed, I thought I would lose my job. LDAS worked with me and my employer has been fantastic. I would never have guessed there was a way to manage this or that I would be so safe and supported.”
“My caseworker was amazing start to finish. She was always there if I needed to speak. She opened my eyes into what coercive control actually is and what was happening in my life and being done to me. I was in denial before and I didn’t think it was to the extent it was. She got me the answers and the help that I needed. I could always ring her up and she would support me.”
“It was so hard; we had a family, and we had some good times. It was not bad every day. But the waiting for it was, waiting for it to turn bad was torture. I couldn’t figure out what was happening day to day and was sinking. I know this was all a part of it now. Living on edge was my living.”
“He would turn up places when I hadn’t told anyone. He would put comments on social media talking about places I had just been and I felt like I couldn’t move, couldn’t leave the house.”
“My children were offered support and they needed it. My eldest did not want to speak to anyone at all and would walk away whenever we tried to talk about it. I wasn’t offered the same support at the time, I felt like I was being monitored and was scared I would be judged. I didn’t feel I had a right. I eventually spoke to LDAS. They worked with me through what happened. That I deserved support, that it was an option. My communication with the kids is so much better, my head isn’t swimming as much and because I know it wasn’t my fault I feel like I can parent better”
“The thing is it was just life. I didn’t realise it had a name or that it was even wrong to be honest. It was the hardest thing to relive what happened to me. At times I just could not do it. I didn’t want to look at certain things, to think about it. I felt such shame, it made me sick. LDAS didn’t make me fit into a box. If I sat in silence, they sat with me. I felt valued. I understand what happened. I can’t forget it, I never will. I just know it wasn’t me. If that is what I do every day”
“There seemed no escape. I felt like I was so alone. I left my job because he would call all the time, I stopped going out, I knew it was him damaging my car all the time but there was no ‘proof’ I was spiralling in my own head, it was a dark place to be. My LDAS advocate spoke to police, I got counselling and made new friends. I am under no illusion that my life is perfect, how can it be but I feel more secure, listed to.”
“My abuser was my son. Even saying it out loud hurts but it was true. It had gone on for so many years that I thought it would never stop. The guilt and shame was unbearable and I didn’t realise anyone could support me.
I can’t tell you what the support I received has done for me but I have my home and my life back, neither of which I would ever have thought possible.”
“I worked with my support worker to leave my partner when I felt it was safe and the time was right with me. I was not pressured and felt supported every step of the way. They let me see how strong I was to survive this already and this spurned me on.“
“I had felt for so long that I was not important. I had been felt to blame for what happened to me and my kids, I was accused by professionals of things I had no control of. I have never been so alone; I was doing my best. My worker at LDAS built me up. She was clear none of this was my fault. She made me feel worthy of support and I could be really honest with her without feeling I was being tested. To know I was someone’s priority, I can’t tell you what this meant to me. It changed me.”
“I knew it wasn’t right, I felt on edge all the time and she was making me frightened. I felt immediately supported and by someone who got me and understood exactly what I was going through. It made sense and I can’t tell you what this meant to me.”
“I really enjoyed the freedom programme, it was absolutely amazing and helped me so much. I found it made me realise the red flags and what to look for. It also made me realise if I had done this course before I met my husband I would have run a mile. I truly think that this programme should be shown to teenagers in school. I’ve realised how some men manipulate you and make you think its all your fault when in fact it’s their fault. When I met him and he was ‘Mr Charming’ he was just forming me and mimicking my life as he is nothing like me. I tell all my friends about the freedom programme and I cant thank LDAS enough as they saved my life as I was in this toxic violent marriage and really couldn’t see how I was going to get out of it.
The freedom programme was one of the best things I’ve done. I wasn’t sure before I started the course but it gave me strength to be around other people who had been through what I’ve been through.
I did the freedom programme one to one with a facilitator. The freedom programme helped me a lot, I think I would have been in a different state of mind if I didn’t have the facilitator to talk to and help me understand it wasn’t my fault.
It opened my eyes to everything. I’d encourage everyone whose experienced abuse to give it a go and don’t be afraid to speak out about your experience.”
“My caseworker is really nice, she has helped me to understand things. The freedom programme has been really helpful. It makes me feel less scared and to know that the abuse I experienced wasn’t normal. It’s helping me build my confidence. My caseworker is a good educator and its really patient.“
“Working with LDAS has opened my eyes around the domestic abuse. Some parts of my experience I didn’t identify as abuse until I spoke to my caseworker and did the freedom programme. My caseworker has been really supportive and has helped me working with other agencies. I would highly recommend getting support from them”
“I was so alone. I had been away from friends for so long, I had nobody. I joined the group programme and I suddenly wasn’t alone in neither experience or in the world. I listened to these other women and I could hear myself agreeing, nodding and things began to make sense. I have a bond with these women now and to have people I can now call to talk about food, tv anything is difficult to put into words. I thought I would die, I honestly did, either by his hand or my own. I can see a future now.”
“Counselling has had a massive impact. I’m 8 years out from leaving my ex-husband but I still have days when what happened then still dictates what I feel now. I’m estranged from my children because of what I experienced so I carry that with me. My counsellor brings me back to where I need to be. Counselling is the most valuable thing that has ever come out of my situation.
The price of your peace is worth any sacrifices you have to make when leaving a relationship. Where I am now you can’t buy what I’ve got. I’m so at peace. I haven’t got to worry about anyone. You’re not worried about who’s coming through the door or what kind of mood they’re going to be in. It’s just the best feeling.
I was sceptical it was for me, by the end of it I was a totally different person. It totally changed my life. Before I’d be in the shops always looking over my shoulder, by the end I could go with no worries or anxiety. My counsellor was so lovely and made me feel so supported.
It helped a lot. It supported me throughout a time that I needed someone to talk to while I was going through the courts. I took stress off my mind.”
“It helps clients not feel alone and they’re getting listened to. This is especially relevant during the pandemic when people are stuck in the house with their thoughts and may not have access to the same support network. It gives people hope and encouragement to go forward. It encourages people that they’re doing the right thing and to stick with it. It empowers clients that they can move on with their lives after abuse. It encourages clients to speak out about how they would like things to be and how they see things in their own lives. It gives clients options and empowers people to find solutions in their own lives and what’s best for them.”
“I had never addressed the domestic abuse I experienced years ago but it had impacted my life a lot and my new relationship. The work I’ve done with my caseworker has helped me realise what domestic abuse is and it’s not just physical. It’s reassured me that my previous relationship was actually domestic abuse and it wasn’t my fault because he’d always told me It was because of stuff I was doing wrong. It’s helped me for future relationships and it’s given me the courage that I would leave any relationship where there are early warning signs of abuse. It’s helped me stand up for myself and to know that the abuse experienced wasn’t my fault.“
“I’ve found working with my caseworker really helpful. I was sceptical at first because I didn’t want to accept it was domestic abuse. I didn’t think domestic abuse was something that would happen to me I thought it was just a problem other people had. She was really patient. If you don’t know where to go you can just phone her and she’ll help. She’ll let me talk and make sure I feel believed. The group I’ve attended has been really useful and I’ve had a lot to reflect on which has led me to realise a lot of things going on in my relationship I hadn’t thought about. It’s made me happier and more prepared to move on and not go back to that relationship. It’s reassured me the abuse wasn’t my fault.
Working with LDAS has opened my eyes around the domestic abuse. Some parts of my experience I didn’t identify as abuse until I spoke to my caseworker and did the freedom programme. My caseworker has been really supportive and has helped me working with other agencies. I would highly recommend getting support from them.
My caseworker was amazing start to finish. She was always there if I needed to speak. She opened my eyes into what coercive control actually is and what was happening in my life and being done to me. I was in denial before and I didn’t think it was to the extent it was. She got me the answers and the help that I needed. I could always ring her up and she would support me.
I was a bit worried about it at the start. It’s been a really positive experience. I accepted too much and let things go and ignored behaviour because I had normalised it. Now I question abusive behaviour and say it isn’t acceptable. I’ve decided to stay in the relationship I feel more assertive and more confident to say when something’s not right. I felt less alone doing a course with other people who had experienced domestic abuse.”
